Nine Facts from the Kuiper Belt by Nolan Liebert

1.
The janitor of Pluto once slipped off the sparkling orb of ice-dust and into the empty embrace of its lonely orbit. This is how he met his wife, Charon, in his younger days.

2.
The janitor of Pluto believes monarchy to be the one true form of government. He imagines being ruled by butterflies on a distant crystal ball.

3.
The janitor of Pluto does not know his home is not a planet. He claims he built Nix and Styx and the rest so Charon wouldn’t be lonely. He tried to make them look like butterflies.

4.
The janitor of Pluto went to Mercury once. Sweeping the flatlands of Pluto can’t compare to the dizzying thrill of racing down the terminator line, hands in the air, fingers inches from solar flares, heat softening his lover’s frozen flesh.

5.
The janitor of Pluto carries colored clouds from vacations to the methane ocean of Jupiter and the sky-mines of Neptune. At night they wrap around his head. He cannot dream without them.

6.
The janitor of Pluto has a recurring dream where he rides a comet in the shape of a ’64 Mustang convertible. He could never afford one. His favorite color is ambient white, like the glow of a million distant stars.

7.
The janitor of Pluto wants a prison tattoo, but he is his world’s only yardbird. His favorite work song is “Sixteen Tons”. He has never seen coal, but owns one secret diamond.

8.
The janitor of Pluto has scars covering his body. His ex-wife, Charon, thought they made him look like the moon. She took everything but his body and broom. She also gave him a crater.

9.
The janitor of Pluto tripped over a caterpillar on the dark side of his property. He is nursing it back to health. He will be sad when it grows up into a butterfly with a million colors, not ambient white, to rule a crystal ball. But it is worth it for this journey, he thinks.

Nolan Liebert is a web and graphic designer from the Black Hills of South Dakota. When not busy with code and logos, he enjoys bicycling, playing piano, and cooking. He makes a wicked ratatouille. Nolan lives with his wife and kids in a house that is not a covered wagon and has indoor plumbing. His pets are named after brutally murdered historical figures. Sometimes he writes. You can follow Nolan on WordPress and Twitter.

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