Lips Uptown
She wears fuzzy ears with flashing lights as she dances on the bar, watching bachelorettes down celebratory glow-in-the-dark shots.

Eager Beavers
We gals do maple whiskey body shots at Eager Beavers, the Canadian exploitation strip club where the staff wears plaid flannel thongs.

Lusty Ladyland
A bachelorette gets up with the dancer, twerking in a satin club dress. She kisses the girl and likes it, jumping down for a sugary shot.

SciSexy Dancebot Spectacular
A robot poledances, while a woman in a futuristic microbikini toasts me with free Moonshots. My bridesmaids take a selfie for social media.

Sour Cherry’s Pie Stand
We do too many fruit shooters at the local organic cabaret. Drag queens squeeze juice while they lip sync, and read us over dessert.

Girls Girls Girls
I gain five pounds from girls’ night out, and when I try out for the amateur strip show, they say I’m too fat. Figures. Men.

S. Kay writes one tweet at a time. Her debut book Reliant, a collection of tweet-sized sci fi stories, will be published by theNewerYork Press in 2015. You can follow S. Kay on Twitter.