The Fancy Football League by S. Kay

Stadiums
Ms. Hilton loves to date football players, admiring their big muscles, but hates their uniforms and those beer-sticky stadium seats.

Dividends
Using some of her third quarter dividends, she creates the Fancy Football League for players and fans seeking a higher quality game.

Marble
She builds a marble stadium, decorated with gilt and crystal. Protestors decry elitism, so she sends them kobe hot dogs and truffled chips.

Salaries
The first team in the league is made of her salaried ex-lovers, paid by nondisclosure agreements. Rivalries still exist among players.

Gold Silk
NFL players make an exodus to the FFL, attracted by waterfall showers, organic towels, and stretchy gold silk pants designed by Ms. Hilton.

Tickets
The announcer welcomes a full stadium to the inaugural game, at $5,000 a seat. Many attendees won tickets in charity fundraising raffles.

Bling
In the sun, bejewelled helmets and gleaming pants make it impossible to look directly at the players. The field is glittery anarchy.

Jewels
After a season, the concussion rate is quadruple that of the NFL’s. Blinded players are hit so hard, gemstones chip off their helmets.

Sex
With too many medical lawsuits, Ms. Hilton is forced to shutter the league, but keeps the uniforms for her future boyfriends’ sex play.

S. Kay writes one tweet at a time. Her work has appeared in Nanoism, 7×20, Ex Fic, the EEEL, Monkeybicycle, and more. RELIANT, her debut book, is due October 2015 from tNY.Press tny.press/reliant You can also follow S. Kay on Twitter, or check out her tumblr.

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